Television images of Gareth Edwards’ famous try for the Barbarians against New Zealand in 1973 have made the 38 light year journey to the various planets, moons and satellite mega-cities of the Arcturus system prompting a surprise first contact message from a high-ranking official who looks a bit like a luminous krill.
“Congratulations”, began the video message, “your planet has attained a level of cultural sophistication that merits some sort of relationship with us, maybe like a Christmas card or something for starters, then maybe move on to eating each others parents like truly civilised people. We like this ‘try’ of yours and much desire to make offerings of glandular secretions at the temple which you will doubtless have built on the site of this glorious act. Take us to this Gareth Edwards so that we may suckle. What a score!”
Sadly, our first extra-terrestrial visitors (if you don’t count John Redwood) revised Earth’s new found level one cultural attainment status after it emerged that the world had not installed Edwards as leader and the Phil Bennett dance was not a universally recognised social greeting.
UN General Secretary Ban-Ki Moon said that he was sorry that our new friends had not found us to their liking, but was convinced they’d be back in 2037 when the Gibbs Wembley try arrives; probably with a massive stash of beer and ginger wigs and in a really good mood.