Croquet News

This is a story about Kevin. Kevin loves croquet. Kevin has followed his local croquet team ever since he was a little boy. Kevin has become something of an expert on croquet, and thanks to the internet, he has come to be regarded as an authority on the game.

Colin Custard has a regular radio programme on CFL FM, “Colin’s Croquet Chat for Croquet Chaps.”

Colin realised that Kevin would be a great guest to have on his show, because Kevin knows a lot about croquet and is a genuine croquet fan. Colin invited Kevin onto his show. Everyone who listened to the show agreed that Kevin’s contributions were interesting and a refreshing change from the boring ex-croquet players who were usually on the show.

Everyone except Grumpy Gareth and Morose Mike. They were jealous of Kevin’s new-found fame, and they complained to CFL FM. Grumpy Gareth compared Kevin to the Klu Klux Klan, which was a bit unfair. Kevin has never worn white robes and definitely isn’t a racist. Grumpy Gareth’s lodger, Twm Twp, agreed with Grumpy Gareth. Although he didn’t write a letter to CFL FM, because he’s not allowed to use pens or other sharp objects.

The boss of CFL FM wasn’t happy. He’d just come off the phone from the Head of Hairdryers at the Welsh Croquet Club, who had been telling him what he’d like the radio station to be saying about how brilliant Welsh Croquet is, and what a marvellous job the Welsh Croquet Club are doing.

Anyway, the boss of CFL FM took one look at the complaints and decided that even though they were completely unfounded, he’d better take Colin Custard’s show off the air, and make sure Kevin was never invited back.

Eventually, Colin Custard’s show came back on the air, but Kevin was never invited back. Colin went back to his usual formula of tedious banter with ex-croquet players and talking about his friends’ shoes.

Kevin was cross. He wanted to know what Grumpy Gareth and Morose Mike had said about him. He wrote a letter to CFL FM, asking them to share the contents of the complaints with him. The editor of Colin Custard’s show wrote back to Kevin, telling him that Grumpy Gareth and Morose Mike’s malicious complaints had been dismissed as they obviously had no basis in fact. But in spite of this admission, he refused to tell Kevin what the complaints were actually about.

Kevin is cross because CFL FM are holding information relating to him. He is sure they have a duty under the Data Protection Act to hand over this information, but in spite of numerous requests, they are refusing to do so.

Kevin is still waiting.

Poor Kevin.

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