Category Archives: Rugby

Edwards Claims Biggar is Better

Human cue-ball Shaun Edwards is rubbing his hands at the prospect of Dan Biggar taking the field against Samoa this Friday, claiming the rookie Ospreys fly-half has a bite that’s as big as his bark.

“He can tackle; there’s no doubt about it.  And he can shout.  By heck, have you heard him shouting?  Never stops shouting that lad.  Or tackling.  And he does his fair share of running as well.  Kicking?  Lots of that as well…when he isn’t passing of course…”

According to Edwards, Biggar is also still growing, and will reach his full rugby maturity in time for the 2011 World Cup, when he finally turns 16.

“By the time this kid gets through puberty, I reckon he’ll be about 7 feet tall and weigh 20 stone,” frothed Edwards.  “And he’ll be able to tackle and pass at the same time, or shout and run, or kick and pass.  He’s right good at multi-tasking.  You know… like a woman.  Wilkinson can’t fookin manage that.  And it pains me to say it – neither can Cipriani.”

Edwards has also been busy prepping giant lock Luke Charteris for the upcoming encounter against the South-Sea Islanders, with a high-impact regime of stomach muscle bulking.  “A normal tackle on Luke will hit him somewhere around the knee; possibly even on the thigh.  But the Samoans are famous for their high-shots so we’ve been having to firm him up around the navel area.”

Huw Bennett meanwhile, is an altogether different coaching challenge:  “People ask me, what is Huw Bennett for?  I think that’s disrespectful and I don’t like disrespectivenessability.  Against the Samoans, we don’t need control at the scrummage, or a decent throw at the line-out.  In the 25th minute, we really need someone dedicated enough to start a mass brawl and then go and hide behind Ryan Jones.  But don’t print that last bit.”