Welsh Scrum Lost Up Own Backside

As scrummaging aficionados peck over the remains of the Welsh front row in the run up to this year’s Six Nations championship, Ospreys’ coaching semi-supremo (supremo-semi?) Sean Holley has been airing his expert views on the matter.

“If the scrum is Wales’ Achilles heel, then the boys will have to avoid tripping over their shoelaces,” quipped Holley, whose ability to break new ground in the field of ridiculous analogies is second only to his inability to turn two-dozen internationals into a rugby team.  “I like to think of the Welsh scrum dilemma as a bad case of piles, in which case I’m certain Paul James will prove himself an effective blow-up rubber ring, and Craig Mitchell a tube of Anusol.  But then I am biased.”

In other news, Holley has followed up recent comments lamenting the counterproductive effects of employing the majority of the Welsh rugby squad, by declaring Lee Byrne up for sale along with another as-yet-unnamed Welsh capped loose forward.  “We have to get some of these Welsh internationals off our books, and replace them with fresh-faced untried youngsters like perhaps Tom Shanklin and Martyn Williams.”

Anthem Comments Court More Unwanted Controversy for Henson

Arctic dancer and sometime orange rugby player Gavin Henson has claimed that the words to the Welsh National Anthem are all wrong and that its tune isn’t as good as England’s.

“England’s anthem starts with the word God, which is a much more positive and inspirational opener than ours, which starts with Hen,” commented Henson, over high tea at the Ritz.  “Starting it with Henson would be a much better option.  In fact, I always sung it like that anyway.” 

PR guru Clifford Max believes this latest outburst is a vain attempt to keep Henson in the spotlight, in the run up to the launch of ‘It’s a Hard Life’; Henson’s new book.

“He’ll want to get back on the telly with a quip like that, as being in the Western Mail doesn’t really count.”