Llanelli born, Llanelli bara Dai “Dai Twp” Iwans was forced to explain himself to his mates after wearing a replica rugby top of the opposing side to a not particularly important Magner’s league Scarlets game. “I don’t see the problem. It’s red and I got it cheap off of ebay. And it’s got some blue in it like the last Llanelli kit my mate bought” said Dai yesterday, at a frequency only audible by dogs and dolphins, and possibly Superman. “I used to wear my AC Milan top down at Stradey. No one complained then. But now we’ve gone all la-di-da up in the big city of Pemberton, I can’t wear what I like! This isn’t a million miles away from what happened in Nazi Russia!” whined Mr Iwans.
It transpires that though Iwans entire wardrobe of clothes is red in colour he doesn’t actually own any Scarlets merchandise. The nearest he gets is his old Coedcae First XV rugby kit who lost to St. John Lloyds home and away in 1982.
In a move that has stunned no one, Leicester Tigers have launched a Super-Injunction on the result of the recent Ospreys vs Leicester rugby match. The match, which ended in either a win, loss or draw for one or both of the sides may or may not have been cancelled or postponed, it wasn’t reported yesterday. “We are currently not at liberty to state where this game was held and neither is anyone else” cried the Tigers marketing manager Les Tersupremo. When asked for the reasoning behind such a reporting blackout, Mr (or Mrs) Tersupremo replied “Well, we’ve got to use the lawyers for something.”
After their not-such-a-shock exit from all European competition until next year, Leicester Tigers almost pulled their whiskers out in dismay to find that they are not at the top of the Proper Tidy Ranking system. “MWAAAAA!!!!!!! MWAAAAAHHH!!!! It’s not FAIRRRRRR!!!!!!” yelled Leicester patron General Patrick Malaise. “Mummy. MUMMY!!! Tell the nasty man to make us top. I thought lawyers were supposed to be on OUR side. If he doesn’t I’ll scream and I’ll scream until my face goes even more bally well red than it is at present.” bitched the sore loser yesterday.
The Proper Tidy Rankings, which many believe are just made up, are accepted as being the best ranking of rugby sides since the one hit wonder Uptown Top Ranking which placed “Ting” at the top of the European Table.
Scarlets fans the world over are rushing to show their support for Amlin. “I’ve now bought 12 of whatever it is they make / sell / serve” said Scarlets Super Supremo Nigel ’4 out of 6′ Davies. “I can’t wait to see how well the spark plugs / electricity / insurance that they provide will perform in my car / house / person.” he added shortly after the Scarlets seemed to have qualified for the trophy.