Softly spoken, black-gloved WRU enforcer Dai “With Your Boots On” Pickering has come within a gnat’s bumcrack of being embarrassed into relinquishing his discretionary match ticket allowance for a forthcoming Autumn international.
As WRU Group Chairman Executive Managing Principal Director Head, Pickering is legislatively entitled to first dibs on just 35,000 tickets for each Wales home game. These are normally taken up by Pickering himself and ‘assorted VIPs’.
In the case of the Australia match, a mysterious individual called “T. Master” was to be provided with around 34,995 of the total number. However, a junior Millennium Stadium administrator – since killed in a freak hedge-pruning accident – found a minor oversight with the ticket registration process: WRU rules clearly state that the full name of the ticket holder be printed on the ticket stub, making Mr. Master’s tickets invalid.
“I have identified the error and taken steps to rectify it, OK?” whispered Pickering, threateningly. “Mr Master, and his associates Mr Tickets, Mr Cheap and Mr Dotcom are all valued friends of myself and the union committee sub-group technical development team office committee group. I have persuaded the PLC board to amend the rules, and they are now petrified…er…I mean committed to the new process moving forward.”
Asked if Dai did indeed do any diddling, WRU Co-Head and General Executive Chairman Director Group Chief Leader Roger Lewis was eager to gloss over the affair. “The vaccination has no basis in tact,” quivered Lewis, reading from a prepared statement. “Er… let me see…this next bit… er… the allegation is not blue, and we have found no eminence of in-podiatry.”