Under pressure bosses at Welsh rugby’s regions are responding to recent criticism in typically bullish manner by erecting fortresses all over South Wales.
The huge structures are the brainchild of self-styled, big-spending galactico region supremo Joe Johnson. Johnson, whose CV includes lifting the World Snooker Championship trophy in 1986, proved that he is not afraid to get his hands dirty. Laying the first stone yesterday, he spoke of making the Liberty Stadium a fortress once more. “They tell me this used to be a fortress a few years ago, but that seems hard to believe. All I’ve seen since I arrived is a stadium made of recycled plastic from Buckaroo parts”, said Johnson, wiping the dirt from his hands as he walked from the grave.
At bitter rivals Cardiff Blues, who have failed to score a single point since narrowly missing out on European glory last season, it seems that a fortress is the answer here too. Young Dai, a seventeen year old regular at The Old Arcade, who is steeped in Blues history, hinted that he’ll only visit the new fortress when they stop allowing the football team to play at their gleaming new home in Leckwith. “I’ll have another pie please, Pete”, he said to the barman, before returning to his SA and Western Mail.
Meanwhile at bitter rivals The Scarlets, former coach Carwyn Jenkins, denied reports that they were jumping on the fortress bandwagon. This followed comments in yesterday’s media attributed to fridge removal man, Stephen Jones, that a fortress was needed in Llanelli. Jenkins said, “Our fortress at Stradey had been in place since at least 1400, when Owain Glyndwr was our fly half. Now, in the spirit of Owain, we must empower ourselves to collectively confront our fulfilment issues and grow our new fortress. Leveraging on our organic growth, we will shift the dynamics of the paradigm to achieve next generation win-win for The Scarlets …” He went on for a while after that, but, sorry, I must have dropped off.
A spokesperson for Newport Gwent Dragons issued a statement saying that the playing and coaching staff were unavailable for comment as they were all out on the training ground preparing for the next game.