Households amounting to the population of Reading are tonight enjoying the benefit of cheap renewable energy generated by Scotland coach Andy Robinson going absolutely tonto at French referee Romain Poite for being hurty.
Following the calculated decision of the official to do his calf just as Scotland had found their three-quarters, meteorologists and seismologists began reporting strange readings from the Twickenham area which were interpreted variously as a category 5 hurricane popping into existence or the early signs of a direct strike by an asteroid the size of Skomer Island.
The government were alerted and were seconds away from issuing the orders for Operation Shrug – which as the name implies is reserved for natural disasters so severe and so certain to end all known life in the country that there is absolutely nothing to be done other than to maybe give heroin a go and try it on with attractive women. Once it had emerged that the event horizon was in fact a single human being’s fury, quick thinking by a National Grid employee allowed Robinson to be plugged in to the UK’s electricity supply network, both diffusing a catastrophe and generating free energy to many thousands of grateful households.
Secretary of State for Energy, Chris Huhne, appealed for public calm and an end to the looting of shops and panic-buying of essential supplies. “Whilst a small risk remains that further anger spikes could overload the grid, rest assured that Mr Robinson is being kept calm by listening to ELO’s greatest hits and having the wispy thinning hair around his bald dome gently blown on by a tag-team of nubile Thai women. We have this under control”.