Gatland promises end to In-Game Laptop Pornography

Solemn soul-searching after ‘Two Girls, One Cup’

Enough is enough declared Wales coach Warren Gatland as he admitted that his staff using the internet to watch streamed pornographic videos on work time may have had some adverse affect on the team’s performance of late.

Gatland had sanctioned the extra-curricular use of internet during game time sometime in 2009 to cover periods of tedious resetting of scrums and Wales possession resulting in 20 phases for a net loss of territory. ‘Angry Birds’ and Gwlading soon graduated to online poker and evony, but the traditional post-Lions tour comedown saw things take a turn for the worst with an increase in porn; starting with gentle stuff you could see on ‘Hollyoaks Later’ but soon veering towards material involving Puerto Ricans in Miami villas that had clearly been broken-into.

Towards the end of games that had become lost causes, TV viewers could clearly see the team focussing with increasing dismay at overweight German housewives crushing helpless tradesmen with a strange resemblance to Terry McDermott, and reacting with clear anger at south-east Asians girls with Jamie Roberts jawlines and a middle-stump.

The watershed moment came during last week’s England game when the team decided to see what all the fuss was about with the notorious chocolate ice-cream advert ‘Two Girls, One Cup’. Visibly shaken by the experience, the team sat in bemused silence for some time before Gatland’s realisation that this all had to stop. Such was his revulsion at what some women will do for crack or softmints, some moments later he was noticeably treating microphone-harpie Sonja McLaughlan as if she were a passable example of decent humanity