Munster to patent rolling maul

Munster have stunned Glasgow Warriors with the threat of legal action ahead of Friday night’s Magner’s league opener at the Firhill Arena.

Oversize leprechaun Paul O’Connell announced the move at a press conference last night saying, “Munster can proudly reveal that we have successfully patented the rolling maul. It is now for the sole use of Munster rugby and we warn Glasgow that any attempt to use it on Friday night will be treated as a breach of copyright and will trigger legal action. We’ve been illegally stopping teams from playing for years but now we’ve got the paperwork to back us up”.

The maul was set to be heavily used by Glasgow, mainly because their backs can’t run and pass at the same time. They are understood to be frantically trying to come up with some new tactics, so far with no success.

The news will come as another setback to the IRB who have reintroduced the maul following last year’s pointless Experimental Law Variations trial. It is also seen as confirmation of Munster turning their back on passing the ball beyond their outside half. “We tried it and we didn’t like it”, said a jubilant Munster fan “we’re going back to what we like best, 80 minutes of turgid forward play and a few up and unders”.

In further developments, Munster have also taken out patents on being more than 2m offside at the breakdown, killing the ball at rucks and generally moaning when teams do to them as they do to others. Ronan O’ Gara’s attempt to patent being shit at rugby was turned when it was discovered that the patent was already held by Gregor Townsend.