Jock shock

The “world” of Scottish rugby was today rocked by the shocking news that all of the Six Nations makeweights’ Autumn internationals will be screened live by the BBC.

“Och, this news gives us a couple of wee problems,” trilled Angus McTaggart, Chief Haggis of the Scottish Rugby Union. “Fer starters,” he continued with the aid of subtitles, “We dinna have sold nae tickets fer any of the matches the noo, and naebody’s going to watch any of the games because the Balamory omnibus is on the other side at the same time.”

The SRU are understood to be considering a number of smaller alternative venues for the matches. The current favourite is believed to be a phone box on Costorphine Road. “If we can sell five tickets then we’re guaranteed a full house,” said McTaggart.