Gwlad’s “Rugby Where Are They Now?” No. 27: Dan Carter.

Rugby great Dan ‘-na!” Carter played outside half for both New Zealand and the All Blacks at No. 10. The record scoring kiwi outside half was remembered fondly for fitting in well between whoever was playing at inside 4/12th and the back 5 quarter positions for his country. The silver fern star is most noted for his part in guiding his team to several Try-Nations victories and failing to add to his two international drop-goals while losing the 2007 Rugby World Cup quarter final to France. Experts have pointed out that this was in part due to his not being on the pitch at the time however that wouldn’t have stopped Barry John. Or Bleddyn Bowen.

But where is he now? Dan currently is still actively involved in rugby in his native New Zealand spreading the gospel of the fifteen-a-side code through numerous marketing campaigns and sponsorship deals. “Rigby is just like one big femily and it’s an honour and a privilige to be invilved in the gaaaaame at what ever level I can reach” is the kind of thing that he might say if we ever got to talk to him. But what about coaching kids Dan, you big fat loser*? “Na. There’s no money in it” said a Dan Carter lookalike that we did manage to talk to. I mean he’s not THAT much like Dan Carter. More Jimmy Carter if you ask me, but if it’s dark and you squint and he talks while breathing in some helium off of a balloon, then he could fool someone. Someone who has no idea who Dan Carter is.

Next week on Gwlad asks “Rugby Where Are They Now?” No. 28. we ask whither British Lion, Wales and Celtic Warrior’s Gethin Jenkins?

* Gwlad’s lawyers would like to point out that although they only specialise in family law (divorces and shit) that Dan Carter is neither fat nor a loser. Except in the 2007 world cup. Where they only lost one game. Which is one more than New Zealand lost in the 2010 footie world cup. He may be big though. Gwlad’s lawyers COULDN’T BE ARSED to look on wikipedia to find out how tall or weightful (it’s a word, I checked) Dan is. Well I looked. And unlike divorce lawyers, I don’t charge £300 an hour to end up losing me all my house to THAT BITCH! A fat lot of good they turned out to be. Okay, so I used to slap her occasionally but a good lawyer can make that kind of thing sound positive. It’s called ‘getting results’! Anyway, he is in fact 94 kilos. However much that is! I suppose imagine you’re carrying 94 1 kilo bags of sugar. It’d be like that. Although less harmful to your health.