David Camerons calls for Bloodgate Investigation

David Cameron has launched into the Bloodgate debate sweeping through the English premiership by launching a furious broadside at Gordon Brown.  During angry scenes at Prime Minister’s question time Mr. Cameron rounded on Gordon Brown, saying “This is just another example of the government’s inability to lead this country.  We are rapidly becoming the laughing stock of world rugby.  The Conservatives demand that every blood substitution for the last 4 years be investigated by an independent commission,” finishing with his obligatory “what we need is a change of government.”

Angry scenes in the commons

Angry scenes in the commons

Mr Cameron is thought to be lining up former Harlequins coach Dean Richards to lead the investigation.  A Tory party spokesman explained “Dean has been there as a player and a coach at the top end of the game.  Who better to lead this investigation?  Plus, as an ex-policeman he’s bound to be as honest as the day is long.”

Earlier in his web blog Mr. Cameron had promised to cut out the use of blood capsules amongst Tory backbenchers who frequently feign injury to get out of parliamentary debates.  “Anyone found using blood capsules will be subject to party disciplinary procedures and may be thrown out of the party” he said.  CCTV footage of former Welsh office minister and part time mimester John Redwood taking a blood capsule out of his sock then being ushered out of the house of commons and into a nearby pub by Anne Widdecombe has been taken off Utube for legal reasons.

RFU boss Francis Baron has been sceptical about Mr. Cameron’s motives saying “it’s just another bandwagon for the Tories to ride.  It’ll be gay pride next week.”