Beaches & Peaches Win Out Against Pie Onslaught

Slightly Chinese looking back-row bully Gareth Delve has shaken the world of rugby to its very foundations with the news that Cardiff Blues have failed in their attempt to sign him, despite a big salary offer, significant pie-related inducements and the chance to hang around with the Wales squad from time to time.

“I was watching the Blues play Ulster on the telly, at that new stadium with all those blue seats everywhere, and it struck me how much I don’t like blue… or mud,” admitted Delve who has instead signed a long term ‘tan-as-you-play’ deal with Super XIVMX no-hopers Melbourne Rebels.  “I love playing for Wales, being Welsh, eating Welsh cakes once a year and all that, but faced with the real possibility of actually living in Wales – well, it makes me puke just to think of it.  The chance of a new life; a new challenge beckoned – and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it.  Except for when we have to play all those games in South Africa and New Zealand of course.  And get beaten like a ginger stepchild.”

The news represents yet more bad tidings for Cardiff Blues, following on from the recent departure of Gareth Thomas to rugby league.  “The guys always like to pump up before a game by watching Mamma Mia,” said Dan Baugh, Cardiff Blues’ resident Canadian.  “But we looked everywhere for that DVD, and could we find it?  Could we f