Disappearance Spells Double-Boost for Wales

Shy, retiring Barry White-a-like rugby freight train Mathieu Bastard could miss the forthcoming Six Nations game against Wales after being cited for eating an opponent during last weekend’s France versus Ireland international.

Initially unsubstantiated rumours that Bastard had hastily consumed none other than Irish bottle-carrier Peter Stringer in the half time break, were later corroborated when revelers at a well known Champs-Elysees nightclub spotted the Peugeot-sized outside centre idly wiping a chewed knee-cap from the corner of his mouth.

“Zer is nothing ‘ere zat need concern ze rugby authorities,” explained Serge Blanco, the distended ex-France full-back and defender of the faith.  “It is customary for ze smaller players to ‘ave zeir livers eaten by ze others, no?  Zis – ‘ow you say – prank, went maybe a little too far, mmm?  French rugby ‘as nothing to answer for.  You pigs.”

Reportedly, sources close to Bastard maintain that, in the absence of an appropriately sized protein shake/beef carcass to guzzle during the interval, he simply mistook Stringer for an underfed spaniel. 

Stringer meanwhile remains unaccounted for, though police are rechecking local dog pounds for clues.