Leicester demand inquestwang

In a not entirely unprecedented SHOCK move, the Leicester Cheaters have SLAMMED Heineken Cup organisers’ decision not to BOOT the Ospreys out of the competition for fielding 16 players for several inconsequential seconds of their CRUNCH decider at the Library on Saturday.

Taking out an onion, Tiggers “coach” Richard COCKerill ROARED, “This glasshouse has got too many windows. I demand the right to smash some with these stones what I found, just now, on the floor. The Tiggerz have a proud tradition of cheating, and we will step up to the plate whenever a hand in the scrum or a cheeky one on the deck is required.”

Andy Howell is on tranquillisers.