Having had rugby’s greatest living imbeciles line up to spout their semi-racist vitriol in the wake of Warren Gatland’s Lions XV selection, Wales is preparing to walk in to work on Monday morning to face a bunch of bastards eager to tear-up the Welsh flag, abolish bake-stones and construct a self-defeating funeral pyre made of coal.
“If this was Mississippi in the 1950s, then Warren Gatland would be some horrible do-gooding equal rights libertarian who’d just committed the ultimate sacrilege by naming a team containing a few… well I think you know what I’m saying,” commented one of any number of ex-internationals who should know better, earlier this week. “But this is worse – not only is it not the good old 50s anymore, but these… beings… are Welsh. Get it? W-E-L-S-H. Urrgghhh!”
In the event that the British & Irish Lions win against Australia in the final test, First Minister Carwyn Jones will immediately declare war on England for the pure hell of it, with a mortar strike on Oswestry where Stuart Barnes is understood to own several cakes and a sausage roll. “We don’t want them to like us,” said Jones. “Bloody hell mun, the Hatred, Mistrust and Casual Xenophobic Sleight industry is worth millions to both nations!”
We say: C’mon the Lions – ALL of you!!