Barbie loving scrummaging novices from Down Under have had the rug pulled from under their noses with the revelation that competing rugby nations are sporting Movember moustaches in a startling ironic fashion.
“We come over here every Autumn to grow a bit of bumfluff, beat Wales and shag our way around the freezing cold fleshpots of a post-industrial wasteland,” commented an Australian utility back with whiskers like a badger. “Moronic maybe, but ironic? Nah… We had no idea we were raising money for prostate cancer awareness! Struth, we’d have had a whip round mate.”
Wales meanwhile are rumoured to be seething with the news that all 38 Australian squad players will be rested for the next game under the pretence of ‘disciplinary action’, while 52 year old Bruce the kit man is sent out at Murrayfield to single-handedly beat Scotland with one hand tied behind his back. “I’ve had hangovers my lad, but this is fookin ridiculous,” said teeth and bone specialist Shaun Edwards. “We were going to spy on their training moves, but our analyst ended up in the pub scribbling notes on how to play Fuzzy Duck lying in 10 inches of puke and warm Fosters.”
Not everyone is paying Scotland such disrespect, as one world-renowned authority on rugby predictions claimed:
“The formality of beating Scotland aside, Wales are Australia’s next serious test in a winner takes all battle that promises to see the loser lose out on winning, while the winner takes the spoils for good measure,” said veteran rugby commentator and Terry & June superfan Ian Robertson, in a rare moment of blinkered clarity. “Who’s Scottish? Me? No that’s Inverdale. God Save Our Gracious Queen… Swing Low, Sweet Chariot…”