Plastic Passion

Soaraway SuperClub Cardiff Blues have ROCKED the world of rugby to its core with the announcement today that they intend to install an artificial pitch at THE HOME OF RUGBY, Cardiff Arms Park.

Since the Blues returned to their spiritual home in 2012, the state of the Arms Park pitch has been likened to that of a Battlefield in the Somme. Blues SUPREMO Richard Holland commented, “We have Lions backs and world-class youngsters, but they can’t run in mud.”

Reaction from around the rugby world has been swift.

Twickenham HEAD HONCHO Major General Squiffy Bedstead was roused from his afternoon nap to issue an emergency communique on behalf of British Lions make-weights England.

Sitting in his bath chair outside “HQ”, he bellowed, “What a load of old piffle! Here at HQ we’ve been playing on a cabbage patch for over a century and we have no plans to change the playing surface. Anyway, there’s no point as the rugby would still be dire even if we were playing on astro-turf. You can’t polish a turd!”

When it was suggested that perhaps English rugby was lagging behind its successful counterpart in Wales by not embracing new technology, Bedstead, now more purple than Ronan O’Gara at a Prince concert, retorted, “BALDERDASH! Here at Twickers we replaced more traditional materials with artificial ones back in the 1980s! Just look at our supporters! You’ve can’t get much more plastic than that!”