Bachan y filltir sgwâr

“Peel…must be No 9 choice” medd y pennawd o’r Western Mail sydd yn ymddangos yng nghanol  Hunangofiant Dwayne Peel . Yr awdur? Rob Howley. Yn anffodus, nid sôn am gemau rhyngwladol yr hydref oedd e ond taith y Llewod i Seland Newydd yn 2005. Mae’n anodd credu bod chwaraewr mor ddisglair mor bell o feddyliau tîm hyfforddi Cymru yn y blynyddoedd diwethaf. Gyda’i bas chwimwth, ei allu i weld y gwagle a’i gyflymdra trydanol a oes yna chwaraewr mwy creadigol, heblaw am Shane, wedi chwarae i Gymru yn yr oes broffesiynnol?  Camp Lawn, 76 cap, capten ar ei wlad, mewnwr y Llewod. Ac eto mae ail hanner ei yrfa wedi bod yn un gymharol siomedig.

Mae’r llyfr, sydd newydd gael ei gyhoeddi gan Y Lolfa, yn ddigon tawel ynglŷn â Gatland; mae’n amlwg fod gan y chwaraewr o Sale freuddwyd o gynrhychioli ei wlad eto. Er hynny, mae gan Peel ddigon i’w ddweud am gyfnodau Hansen, Ruddock a Gareth Jenkins, am gyfnod Phil Davies yn hyfforddi’r Scarlets a bod o dan law Clive Woodward gyda’r Llewod.  Fe ddaw i’r amlwg, fel y byddech chi’n disgwyl, ei fod e hefyd yn darllen y gêm yn dda ac mae ganddo farn bendant ar rai o’r penderfyniadau a wnaed gan ei glwb lleol a’r tîm rhyngwladol yn ogystal â rhai o’r newidiadau a welwyd mewn rygbi yn ystod y pymtheg mlynedd diwethaf. Dyna ddarnau gorau’r llyfr, wrth iddo fynd y tu hwnt i sôn am gemau unigol neu ffeithiau ei yrfa i drafod y gêm yn helaethach.

Ar un agwedd, hanes ‘local boy done good’ yw’r llyfr darllenadwy hwn. Er ei fod e’n byw dros y ffîn, bachgen ei filltir sgwâr yw Dwayne Peel ac mae bywyd a phobl Y Tymbl, Drefach a Sir Gâr yn agos iawn i’w galon. Ond mae’n hanes hefyd am un sydd wedi difyrru ei gymuned gyda’i sgiliau gwefreiddiol a, bellach, gyda’i fenter ym mwyty’r Sosban. Hanes y bwyty, ei hoff chwaraewyr a’i hoff gemau sy’n cloi’r llyfr. Y gêm fwyaf diweddar y mae’n sôn amdani yw buddugoliaeth wych y Scarlets yn erbyn Munster yng Nghwpan Heineken yn 2007. Braf fyddai gweld Peel ryw ddydd, gyda chymorth Lynne Davies, yn ychwanegu at y gêmau cofiadwy hynny gyda gêmau sydd eto i ddigwydd, o flaen ei gymuned leol ac ar y cae cenedlaethol. Ar ôl gemau’r hydref, ac os yn ffit, mae angen ei greadigrwydd arnom ni! Dyma lyfr cryno, gwerth ei ddarllen ac yn un i’w ychwanegu at hosan unrhyw ddilynwr rygbi y Nadolig hwn.

Mae “Dwayne Peel: Hunangofiant” wedi cael ei gyhoeddi gan Y Lolfa.

 

Ospreys Tout Spare Tight-Head for Weddings, Bar-Mitzvahs etc.

One of Swansea’s leading rugby surplus outlets has announced a half-price offer on its Moldovan tight-head prop.  The newly stocked Moldovan, who comes from Moldova, can juggle, intimidate people and sing the German versions of all David Hasselhoff’s greatest hits.  He is also learning how to scrummage.

“He’s what we call versatile,” remarked overemployed physiotherapist Andrew Hore, the only one wearing a suit at the Ospreys Rugby Warehouse.  “Given the trouble we had to go through to get him a work permit, I hope the people in this particular part of South West Wales appreciate why he can do what no-one we might have phoned at any of the 293 member clubs of the WRU can do.”

Wales Proclaimed Favourites in World Cup Group of Death

Quaint rugby backwaters Australia and England have conspired to anoint Wales the pre-tournament favourites for the group stages of a competition no one has even drawn the logo for yet.

In one of the biggest acts of cynicism since a well-known Liechtenstein based multinational bookselling tax-dodger purportedly floated the idea of selling a Kindle edition of The Big Issue as a loss-leader, neither universally despised part-time rugby nation has lost any time in starting its wind-up act as quickly as possible.

“Having just beaten them five times on the bounce, we’re as wary of anyone about the Way-oows backlash,” gobbed Brently MacIntyre, a fictitious Australian wing three-quarter with stupid hair, and shoulders like railway sleepers.  “We know just what Way-oows can bring to the party.  We’ve got this thing called ‘video’ that shows you what’s happened in the past.  And a special alarm clock that goes off just before 80 minutes has elapsed.”

“Going to Cardiff is always a big ask for the players, and even though that’s complete cock and we won’t be playing our game against them in Cardiff either, the favourites tag well and truly belongs to Wales – especially as they are such a good group of real tryers – y’know – so plucky and full of fun, it’s the coal mining that does it…” added Robert Pattinson, impersonator of foppish English full-backs c. 1971-1988 and star of the Twilight movies.  “All Wales’ players are so awfully young aren’t they?  By 2015 I’m sure they’ll be much bigger and will squish all of our players into itty bitty pieces.  If they are fed properly of course, with vitamins, blessed fellows.”

Taking exception to the press comments, former Wales captain (during the dark days) Eddie Butler struck a discordant tone during a blast of hastily contrived poetry: “We love being duped into being made the favourites, until we unexpectedly go 30 points behind and oh, how we love being the underdogs then…  Who cares anymore, my dears?  The storm clouds are gathering, we’re worrying about whether we can beat ‘Oceania 1’ or ‘Play Off Winner’ let alone that pair of prancing sods.  I mean I ask you, England and Australia.  It’s not as if they’re any better than – say – Ireland and South Africa; but you just know you’re going to hate every bloody minute of it.”

In related news, the entire English sporting media has signed an Al-Qaeda style accord of shared motivation, thought and belief in relation to “Welsh-qualified rugby players” and “the 2013 Lions Tour”.

Welsh rugby fans will be familiar with the script already.