This week: Dylan Hartley (Northampton & England)
Professor Crappenboffin says: “I’m sensing here a real girth, somewhat like childbirth – maybe similar to passing a dwarf. This is a monstrous struggle and every sinew is focussed on the manly task. Man’s lonely inner struggle is epitomised here by the heroic Hartley. I’m also picking up some genuine angry disappointment at this titanic conflict being thrust upon him unexpectedly during a live televised rugby match in front of a large audience”.