If a twinkie bar was to represent the normal psychokinetic energy in the Waikato area, then at around 4.30am BST on Sunday morning, the PKE reading could only be illustrated by a twinkie the size of 22 massive polynesians fed on a diet of fish and missionaries. It was all set to not be pretty, and the effects were being felt half way round the globe where readings were off the chart and of a kind not seen since the extraphenomenical paranormal episodes of 1991 and 1999.
Thank Christ, therefore, that the Ectomobile turned up at the event horizon with 22 registered ghostbusters packing proton mass drivers and a real snarling attitude to putting up with this kind of blatant contravention of inter-dimensional roaming laws. Witnesses describe an 80 minute event of unprecedented ferocity with neither side prepared to have any regard for city byelaws and anyone’s health and safety. Once the smoke cleared to reveal catastrophic damage, not least from Priestland’s out-on-the-full ion beams, it emerged that the repeat cross-over attempt had failed and that somehow, through immense guts and determination, the threat had been wonderfully contained in smouldering traps with benignly blinking lights on their valence indicators.
Thus was an entire nation released from its nightmares and the threat of further hauntings gone for a generation. Victims of past events queued up beside civilians to pay tribute to the heroics of the class of 2011, who today emerge to a bright sunny world of fluttering butterflies, cute bunnies, soothing birdsong and a solid eight hours of sleep.