Speaking at an Amnesty International event yesterday, Bono, conscience of the world and millionaire saint brought the plight of 42 Welshmen held captive in Poland to the attention of the global media. Unknown captors have held the tourists at a secret location in eastern Europe in what is believed to be a pay-as-you-go exclusive venue for the rich to torture kidnapped victims for sadistic pleasure.
“Have we lorned nothin’?” Bono pleaded with a banging fist on the podium. “When yuz torcher people, you never get what you want”.
A journalist pointed out that if they just wanted to make people suffer and get their rocks off over it, then in this case they probably were actually getting what they wanted.
“Ok, ok yeah, foin. But yooooshaly – yoooshaly is what I’m sayin’ – dere’s no point to it. Deez are 42 fellas, banged up at the morcy of evil men, and they’re being kept in fridges at minus 140. Minus feckin 140! That’s like in space or whatever. Then they’re made to run around a field with dronk people shootin’ at them, troying to catch moice and beetles to eat. We can’t turn a bloind eye to this! And that’s why we’ve teamed up with Max Boyce on our latest single – ‘42 Men in a Fridge’. It’s mostly really shoit, but the chorus goes:
42 men in a fridge, why doesn’t God set them free?
42 men in a fridge, is there something better on TV?
42 men in a fridge, bangin’ on the door to be set free.
42 men in a fridge, maybe there used to be 43.
“I do this high-pitched falsetto thing as backing vocals and Edge is playing a big doorbell solo. It’s still massively shoit, though.”