After unveiling their new black kit for this year’s World Cup in New Zealand, the RFU has announced that the “England” team has been hard at work practicing their new haka in preparation for their return, sorry, visit to the southern hemisphere.
“We wanted something that would accurately reflect the cultural history of the majority of the team, eh” said John Lomu, a spokesperson for the RFU “and so the obvious choice was the haka”.
When asked what this new haka would look like, and whether it was a closely guarded secret, Lomu replied “Oh no, sorry, you misunderstood me bru, it’s *the* haka. We figured if we’re going to wear the kit we might as well steal the dance eh?”.
“England’s” strategy for the forthcoming World-Cup is quickly revealing itself as an exercise in subterfuge. The latest revelation about the haka, along with their new black kit, as well as the number of Kiwi and Pacific Island players on the team, has added extra weight to the rumour that Martin Johnson is planning on changing the team’s name to The Real All-Blacks, and moving the team’s headquarters from Twickenham to Wellington.
“Listen bru, those are just rumours which may or may not be completely true” Said Lomu. “There will always be an England team, of sorts. Where else are all the London-based ex-pat kiwis going to get their international caps?”
Former New Zealand schoolboy international and current “England” manager Martin Johnson was unavailable for comment.