UN looks to ban Horse-racing

The unsavoury practice of growing Irish people by grafting newborns to the backs of horses is coming under increasing pressure from human rights groups. The notorious method is already prevalent in Ireland as the cost of child-rearing is reduced to the price of two operations and some hay for the horse, but there are fears the precarious nature of the Irish economy will drive more families into the shady practice.

The Irish government voiced concerns that making the practice illegal would simply drive desperate families into the arms of unscrupulous back-street veterinaries who might graft children to less viable animals like pigs, goats and geese, which may in turn lead to feelings of inadequacy in later life.

A UN spokesman announcing the ban said. “We sympathise to a degree with parents just wanting to cut the costs of raising children, but the whole thing is sick enough without dressing the parasitic children in silky pyjamas, forcing the horses round an obstacle course and betting on the outcome. This is not what civilisation is about.”

Welsh rugby link: Stephen Jones owns a horse, but it is not certain whether it has an Irish growth.