Retirement Looms for Matthew J Watkins (‘middle initial)

An end of an era rapidly approaches. This season will see the last of Matthew J Watkins (‘s middle initial). In what has been a perfectly symmetrical career, the Newport-Llanelli-Llanelli-Newport, Tommy Cooper-loving rugby player Matthew ‘the middle initial formally known as J’ Watkins will finally put up his boots. Of his middle initial. “I’ve had a great career” said the player that Scarlets fans knew as ‘The Jayster’, “but I’ve always wanted to go out at the top and that’s what I’m doing at Newport. Rodney Parade will be the last place people will see me play (using J as a reminder of my middle name).”

Matt Watkins (‘middle initial J) has received many tributes from all around the rugby world. Former Dragons coach Ian McIntosh was devastated “What are you doing phoning me up at 4 o’clock in the morning, my man. I’ll give you a middle digit naaaaw!!!!!” he said, enthusiastically. Former Dragons coach and Hiberniaophile Mike Ruddock was almost in tears. “Sorry, you’ve caught me at a bad time. I was putting some shelving up and hit my thumb with a hammer. Matthew who? Sorry, I can’t remember, 2005 was such a long time ago.” he told us in a Gwlad exclusive. Former Dragons coach Paul Turner was outspoken in his criticism of the move “Libya has had to put up with too much from the Arabs for whom it has poured forth both blood and money.” he said in a voice that sounded a lot like colonel Gaddafi’s.

So what next for Matthew Watkins (‘ middle initial). “Well” answered Watkins “unfortunately” added Watkins, “I’ve” interjected Watkins “failed to receive a sponsorship deal (for the J), but hope to somehow move it into advertising” said the plainly monikered Matt Watkins.