Warren Gatland Starts Search for ‘The New Shane’

With Shane Williams failing to fight the aging process, the oncoming international retirement of the Swansea-Bay Ospreys star will leave a yawning gap in Wales’ attacking game. To fill this gap, Warren Gatland is casting the net out to find a replacement who, the Western Mail will imaginatively call, ‘The New Shane’. “Wit wiiii arrrrr licking fur, uss a mugdishan.” stated Gatland. It is believed that to replace “Amman For All Seasons” Wales will require someone with pride, passion, a sidestep, some more passion, some hwyl and who may, or may not, be short. A current shortlist has been leaked to the Western Mail. After days of soul searching on how to break the news, someone at the paper decided to copy the list out onto one of their pages. Gwlad can therefore semi-exclusively announce that the candidates include Leigh Halfpenny, Andy Howells, Dewi Twp, that bloke that was off of a WKD advert, Lee Williams, Shane Williams, Shane Ritchie and Tommy Bowe.

Welsh Lactose Intolerant Rugby Side Win Lactose Intolerant Rugby World Cup

Wales, already the holders of the Rugby 7s World Cup, can proudly boast another sporting triumph. Beating People’s Democratic Republic of the Congo in the final, in a tense 3-0 encounter, Wales put their names in the record books as only the second team to ever win the trophy. “It was a tough game, but we knew that whoever we were to play in the final, they’d be tough.” said Barry Barry, the WLIRU captain. “The Congo team were a bit of a unknown quantity for us, despite them being the current, and five times, World Champions and the only other team to play lactose intolerant rugby.” Barry put his lack of knowledge of Wales’ only possible opponents down to a supposed ‘lack of focus on research prior to the game’ and a ‘total and utter inability to learn anything from the previous 12 straight losses in the only other games the Welsh team has ever played. “It’s the Welsh way” explained Barry. Next Saturday, the WLI team will play a charity match against the Welsh Not-very-good-with-Roman-numerals XIV.