James Le Hooker, non?

Cheese sucking rugby money-men with sweaters draped over their shoulders are counting their losses having taken delivery of mis-sold goods in the pre-Six Nations transfer market.

Beach fronted rugby pension scheme, Perpignan are particularly aggrieved at having mistaken Wales’ most mercurial ball-handler for an aged blues guitarist.

“We all luurv ze tru bleus sound from ze deep sowtz,” explained a fat, rich bloke in a beret. “Wiz Bo Diddley dead and B.B. King in advanced contract negotiations wiz Racing Metro – we fought we ad found ze perfect playur to orchestrate our backline. Owever, it turns out zis guy is – ow you say – Welsh?”

Earlier reports had mistakenly indicated James Le Hook had been enlisted into a French ‘bleu’ movie called ‘James Le Hook et La Grande Peaches’. However, an un-named French benefactor does remain locked in talks with the Ospreys on the basis they hold the registration of a flaccid John Thomas measuring 6’ 5″ in length, and who can play anywhere in the back row.

James Le Hook himself appears similarly confused about having been made Wales’s 15th richest professional sportsman. “Signing for Portmeirion is a dream come true for me,” claimed Le Hook, at a press conference in Portmeirion. “I really want to start at 10, but whatever time of day training happens it’s up to the new coach to decide.”