Ivory Coast refugees to clear Rodney Parade pitch

Refugees fleeing the political violence in the Ivory Coast have been drafted in to help the Newport Gwent Dragons clear their snow covered pitch in time for Monday’s derby game against the Blues.

With efforts to clear the pitch floundering head coach Paul Turner yesterday made an impassioned plea for supporters to help with the pitch clearance. Sadly, noone heeded the call and the match was likely to be cancelled till Turner suddenly made a breakthrough.

“I was taking a walk round the docks area late last night” said Turner, “when out of nowhere this boat pulls up and a load of guys jumped off. It was difficult to understand them but one of them was clearly wearing an Ebbw Vale top from the 92/93 season and I realised they were here to help. I took them straight back down the Parade and got them shovelling snow.”

When asked about their recent ordeal one of the refugees said, “the situation is terrible, totally 3rd world. There’s widespread violence, looting, a lack of basic amenities and virtually no rule of law. I never expected Newport to be this bad.”

Once work on the pitch is complete its likely that the refugees will then start work on the proposed £200m John Frost square redevelopment. “I thought Bouake was bad” said one sporting a Newbridge 2nd 15 replica shirt “but at least we’ve got a Woolworths.”