In a bold marketing move, Gwlad are hiring 40 Dutch women dressed in mini-skirts to sing and dance around as a group during Gwlad based events. Inspired by the Bavaria Beer stunt at the recent Football World Cup, Gwlad believes that this can help grow the brand, and achieve at least 2 of the 5 Ps or whatever it is these snake-oil selling PR people are on about this week. When asked about this move a Gwlad moderator, who wanted to remain anonymous in all walks of life, stated “Viral marketing. Um…no, that’s new to me. But just look at that blonde one in the shades. I don’t know what it is they’re selling but I want 10!!!!”
In a shock move which will send ripples of terror through the corridors of power at HQ, the people who are in charge of this sort of thing have decided that English rugby dirge “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” is no longer the officially most annoying noise to be heard in international sports arenas.
The honour now passes to the plastic trumpets, or Vuvuzelas, currently annoying the hell out of everyone watching and listening to the association rules football world cup. Apparently it’s a big thing and is being held in South Africa. I thought they played rugby there. Philistines.
A spokesman for the RFU, Nigel Fuckbucket-Smythe, was incandescent: “Ever since the chariot song reared its ugly head during the 80s, Twickenham has had something unique to identify it above other sporting venues. Now the only unique selling points we have left are our proximity to Tesco’s and our selection of overpriced fish and chips.”
Rugby chatsite unter-troll Seamus SaesO’Troll9 reflected sadly yesterday when, 3 years after joining Facebook he has yet to find a single friend. “I did have someone following me on Twitter” he stated yesterday via a keyboard while sitting there in nothing but his pants “right up to the moment that I made my first tweet which was a hilarious exclusive about how Ryan Jones had failed to score a try. AGAIN!!!!! At that point my one existing follower decided to block me. Which is a pity because it seemed that Kandy, from California, had access to a special deal on V1agra tablets that she was willing to let me in on. And believe me, I need as much help as I can get to get it up these days, what with me never meeting any women. Apparently having a sense of humour that hasn’t moved on since I was 12 isn’t as much of a positive boon when it comes to meeting the ladies as I had previously hoped.”
Strapping 6’5”, 17st 9lb colossus Jonathan Thomas is counting his lucky stars this week having won an all-expenses paid trip to the other side of the gainline. Thomas, who plies his trade as a professional rugby player when not turning out for the Wales senior XV, will reportedly pick up his prize from coaching supremo Warren Gatland once hell has frozen over.
“I’ve been to the gainline a few times during my 56 cap Wales career but now I’ve got the chance to actually cross it I’m near enough weeing myself in anticipation,” commented Thomas. “Normally there is somebody in the way stopping you going any further, which can get pretty frustrating let me tell you. Hell should freeze over any day now Gats says, now that pig flying season is in full swing.”
Thomas remains the only Wales back-row not to have crossed the gainline since namesake Arwel was selected at No.8 for the ill-fated 96-13 reverse at Bloemfontein.
JT was also the victim of harsh criticism from some quarters during last weekend’s thrilling ebb and flow car-crash against the Springboks. “In fairness to Jonathan, he hasn’t played more than about 85% of his rugby at blindside flanker over the last 10 years, and it was hard to come into an unfamiliar Wales set up and learn all of the highly complex and intellectually nuanced calls that we use with Andy Powell,” claimed forwards beaster Robin McBryde. “RUN!!! – for instance. THAT WAY!!! Stuff like that.”