Crisis Country Wales was hit by a rugby bombshell that’ll take weeks to put back into its scabbard. Warren Gatland, whilst out drumming up support amounst the B Company, 2nd Battalion, 24th Regiment of Foot for the up and coming international against South Africa, was heard to refer to brave war hero Shenkin the goat as, quote, “A can eating, goaty beard wearing, rancid, four legged, hairy, wannabe sheep, bigoted old goat”, unquote.
The comment, sent by telegram by Gatland from the back of the WRU’s own Morris 1000, was according to the WRU’s press office “not, not taken out of context.” Further comments of “why is he allowed onto the pitch but not me? At least I’m not likely to eat the grass. And I bet I could shoot a gun better than him” were also not firmly denied.
Gatland was last seen searching on google for hits to the words ‘goat’, ‘Welsh’, ‘home address’ and ‘Shanklin’.
Orange part-time rugby sensation Gavin Henson is back in the headlines this week following his late bid to stand as Parliamentary Candidate for the Liberal Democrats in the West Pencoed constituency. Henson plans to juggle his reemergence as a top-class rugby player with modeling commitments, doing the school run, and driving a manifesto for educational reform, economic stimulus and finding a sustainable replacement for the Trident nuclear programme.
“Sean Holley will forever be my guiding inspiration, but I’ve always had a soft-spot for those outstanding politicians who have shaped our world view like David Steele, Lembit Opik and Shirley wassaname,” confessed Henson during a no-holes barred photoshoot for Shiny Orange Liberal Man magazine. “Charlotte is backing my political aspirations all the way. She’s a Cleggian girl…in a Cleggian world.”
In related news, the Ospreys are playing down suggestions linking them with a move for under-fire Worcester coach Mike Ruddock. Rumours are rife that the Ospreys have been grooming Ruddock for a back-room position as Mike Cuddy’s official lookalike, by sending him free cakes, oversized button down shirts, and orchestrating a losing streak designed to make his face look like a slapped arse.