A shocked, stunned and obviously shaken newsreader Sian Williams this morning revealed that the BBC will henceforth only broadcast the final ten minutes of future Wales rugby matches. The bombshell follows the shameful non-wearing of daffodils by BBC news teams during March 1st, and revelations that the BBC John Humphrys Unit will either be closed down, or merged with Cookery.
“The BBC revised their original 2004 proposal which was to limit broadcasts to the first 20 minutes of games,” claimed Sport Wales anchor Jason Mohammed, who charges at least a grand less than Jamie Owen for any corporate gigs, by the way. “That got iced when lawyers found a clause in Eddie Butler’s 200 year, cast-in-concrete contract which decreed at least 30 minutes of tortured prose during every broadcast. Eddie now accepts that fans of his particular style of oral presentation are rarer than steak tartare in Tonypandy, so it’s just a case of determining how much of a Wales game is worth watching.”
Speculation is rife that S4C will also be introducing cuts in outside broadcasts. In fact the Chief Druid of Wales’ premier Welsh language TV broadcaster has stated that viewers would welcome a move to replace the hour televising visiting teams piling up points with previously unseen footage of Ryan and Ronnie’s triumphant tour of Wenvoe (1973-6).
However, there appear to be no plans to terminate the scheme to provide work experience to the more intellectually challenged Six Nations TV presenters: John Inverdale will remain to warm a seat in the BBC’s box at the Millennium Stadium, and Banale Blond-Bimbo will continue her pointless pitchside posits.