Thinking man’s piano shifter Alun-Wyn Jones has gone into hiding with his future Wales career in tatters after failing to nail an England player when he had the chance.
“We talked about it before the game, how we needed to disrupt their lineout by biting one of Dylan Hartley’s arms off,” claimed Welsh coaching supremo Warren ‘Only the Eyes Move’ Gatland. “It was going to be Charteris that did it, but he got tangled up in camera rigging suspended from the floodlights. Looking at the replay, Alun Wyn has panicked, gone for his bollocks and fallen short. Shaun is so upset in the changing room that he’s started a dirty protest. I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”
According to the Welsh coaching team, Jones’s feeble trip constituted the missing piece of a masterplan set to stuff the Sais 4 games on the bounce. “We took care of Care, gave Payne a lot of pain in the front row, though I’m not sure about Shaw. Castrating J.R.R. was a big part of the strategy, although I must admit a mild sense of satisfaction seeing the inept look of dismay on his fat gurning face as it splat down in the mud. And I’m also particularly pleased that our defensive running patterns led directly to Mathew Tait actually tackling himself on at least 4 occasions.
That being said, Shaun and I are looking forward to a substantially more intelligent application of sadistic violence for the remainder of the tournament.”