After their not-such-a-shock exit from all European competition until next year, Leicester Tigers almost pulled their whiskers out in dismay to find that they are not at the top of the Proper Tidy Ranking system. “MWAAAAA!!!!!!! MWAAAAAHHH!!!! It’s not FAIRRRRRR!!!!!!” yelled Leicester patron General Patrick Malaise. “Mummy. MUMMY!!! Tell the nasty man to make us top. I thought lawyers were supposed to be on OUR side. If he doesn’t I’ll scream and I’ll scream until my face goes even more bally well red than it is at present.” bitched the sore loser yesterday.
The Proper Tidy Rankings, which many believe are just made up, are accepted as being the best ranking of rugby sides since the one hit wonder Uptown Top Ranking which placed “Ting” at the top of the European Table.
Are you a Welsh rugby fan with limited imagination and a passable understanding of the alphabet? If so, then the Western Mail rugby features team needs your help! See below. Get in touch if you think you can be of any assistance.
We face a Herculean task filling 1,500 pages over the next eight weeks with the kind of indulgent rugby trivia, fictional Welsh squad gossip, overinflated hearsay, jingoistic tittle-tattle and other pale coloured shite that our readers have come to expect from Wales’s only daily English language newspaper under a £1 that starts with a ‘W’.
Naturally we have a number of hot editorial scoops on the boil – real crackers such as ‘Every Gat Has 9 Lives’ which will explore nine things Warren Gatland probably likes doing when he isn’t rugbying; ‘Back to School with Tom Prydie;, ’The Groundsman’s View’ and ‘101 New Gavin Henson Facts’.
On Monday, we will break new ground in the world of publishing with ‘The Definitive A-Z of the Six Nations’, but currently we have only got ten letters done. Any more suggestions would be great – diolch!
B for Ball
E for England
F for France
I for Italy (and Ireland)
M for Mathew Tait (i.e. THAT tackle on him by Gavin Henson)
R for Rugby
S for Scotland
T for Tournament
W for Western Mail