Sardis Road committeemen are up in arms at the revelation that Pontypridd RFC’s famous ‘spirit’ has been stolen. The spirit, used to such success in early Heineken Cup encounters, notable cross-border skirmishes and other circumstances requiring of ‘backs-to-the-wall-we-might-be-underdogs-but-we’re-nobody’s-poodle’ gumption, was reported missing last night, though the fabled item may have been taken far earlier.
“The spirit was always kept in a gilded can of Albright above the main economy 7 heater in the clubhouse, in pride of place next to the Neil Jenkins shrine,” commented local historian Delme Prosser-Perkins. “Just before the Celtic Warriors were established, it was removed to the Brewery Field in Bridgend as part of the merger deal. That was all hushed up at the time, naturally. It came back after the Warriors went tits-up likes – but there were always rumours among those who knew about whether it had been replaced by a different substance.”
Police forensics experts are examining the remaining fluid – which purportedly smells a bit like Dennis John’s cough medicine – to determine its authenticity, while following up claims that Newport Gwent Dragons are in current possession of the true stolen goods.
“We draw no conclusions at this stage, though admittedly it is a bit suss,” commented Detective Chief Superintendent Keith Moon of South Wales Police. “The Dragons have got no money, few players anyone has ever heard of, a rubbish ground, and thousands of vociferous one-eyed supporters. It’s a bit of a coincidence that they are playing attractive, stoic, winning rugby isn’t it? If Cardiff start pinching all their best players then we’ll really know for sure.”