The Severn Bridge Troll – looking a bit like Garin Jenkins in the right light – has been given additional emergency powers to search vehicles heading back to France this weekend to root out Welsh players looking to sneak out to take the filthy Euro.
Roger Lewis met Troll earlier in the week to go through the new measures, which for the first time include the right to hoist vehicles in the air and shake people out, ripping the tops off coaches to peer inside and a general right to intimidate and confiscate shiny things that might look nice in his cave near Sudbrook.
Lewis has taken the dramatic action following the trickle of established Welsh stars to the Med and hopes the prospect of having their legs eaten by Troll will prevent others turning the trickle into a flood. The WRU supremo sees this weekend’s travelling French support as presenting a dangerous opportunity for players to stowaway in car boots and coach luggage holds. He’s asked Troll to look out for players disguised as accordion players and cockerels, providing the giant bridge bouncer with sample onions, garlic and cheap gauloises to get the tell-tale scent of French-bound traffic.
Troll would like to reassure non-Welsh qualified players and all who are simply no good at rugby that they have nothing to fear as they attempt to leave the Promised Land via the M4. He hopes everyone has a top weekend and the French leave for home, tired, sad and very light on prime Welsh rugby talent.