All posts by Benny

Grand Slam Curse Strikes Again!

Mike Phillips alleged fracas outside a McDonalds nightclub has once again put the Welsh 2005 Grand Slam Curse into sharp perspective. None of the unbeaten side have escaped damage to their careers or personal lives in the short few months since the glorious winning streak in the year that brought us one of the Big Brother series. Gwlad has done some top level researching on wikipedia and Google. Apparently they are an online encyclopaedia and search engine respectively. Also, we’ve looked at what’s happened to the Wales 2005 squad.
Gethin Jenkins – Went to chip shop in 2006 and had to wait for chips!
Robbyn McBride – Forced to retire and have his name spelt incorrectly in 50% of rugby articles
Adam Jones – Did that cornrows thing? Remember? You’d forgotten, hadn’t you?
Brent Cockbain – Christened Brent Cockbain by his parents
Robert Sidoli – Sky+ started playing up
Ryan Jones – Has won nothing since 2005
Michael Owens – Forced to retire
Martyn Wylliams – Lost car keys in 2007 which were then found almost immediately later by missus
Michael Phillips – Didn’t get access to Flake McFlurry at 3am in the morning.
Dwayne Peel – Makes daily commute from Tumble to Manchester.
Stephen Jones – Had to watch helplessly as favourite restaurant ‘Curry Gardens’ closed down
Shane Williams – Powerless to stop Fox cancelling Firefly
Tom Shanklin – Retired
Gavin Henson – Injured, missed world cup, injured, made to dance, frozen, surrounded by lightening, split up with missus, injured, affected by increase in VAT on tanning products, injured, moved club, injured, moved club, let go, made forward pass, had lots of women vie for his attention on national television.
Hal Luscombe – Developed South African accent and then surrounded by Clarts
Gareth Thomas – Broke thumb, played league.
Scott Johnson – Lived in Australia and Swansea.
Mike Ruddock – Only coached one Grand Slam.
Alan Phillips – Has to regularly talk to Phil Steele.

Scarlets release David Stade for Francais move

Scarlets No.8, David Stade, is to join Lyons in what observers are calling ‘a change of rugby club’. Speculation is rife on what removals firm Stade will use. “I’ve got tonnes of stuff, eh? It’s aboot time I shipped all my stuff to France.” said Stade in what appears to be an accent from a different colony to the one he’s from.

WRU Not World’s Most Corrupt Sporting Body

IT’S OFFICIAL!!! The WRU have plenty to celebrate as they are officially not the world’s most corrupt sporting body. Gwlad would like to point out that it has been instructed to ‘Phone back later when I’m awake’ by it’s part time lawyers / animal dentist so it cannot legally name the World’s most corrupt sporting body 2011. But it’s definitely NOT the WRU.

“Looks Weak” RIP May 17th 2011

After many years of hopeless prediction, “Looks Weak” will no longer be used by Welsh sports fans as the barometer of informed insight. Instead as of Tuesday May 17th 2011, it’s place will be taken by “heh, gonna be a looooong season for the Jacks”. While technically correct (Swansea City will be playing one week longer than most Championship teams), this prediction made on Welsh work avoidance website Glw@d, shows the knowledge you’d expect of a true genius. All the early indications (an away loss and a new manager) pointed to a season fighting off relegation. Instead the Swansea United team are only eighty minutes away from League 1 soccer next season. I think I speak for all on Gwlad when I say “I’m not even sure what day the game is on.”

Scarlets to Twin with Mumbai Indians

In a breakthrough move in the world of sport, The Scarlets are to share best practice with IPL 20:20 team the Mumbai Indians. “This is a great chance to talk statistics” said Scarlets coach Nigel Davies. “Although our sports might be radically different, I think that there’s a lot we can share. We can learn from one of the all-time legends of the sport of cricket, and Mumbai can find out what it’s like to act as a nurse in a promotional video from Tavis Knoyle.”

But Davies isn’t the only one mildly intrigued by his union. Sachin Tendulkar is also said to be keen about the move. Team-mate, ’80s female no-nonsense cop Dwayne Bravo stated “I’m sure Sach is very happy. One thing I know about the Sachster is that he’s almost certainly heard of either rugby or Wales. Almost definitely.” Dwayne has also learnt some key facts about Llanelli-based, Llanelli-owned Scarlets. “What I and the Sachmeister General particularly like is ‘West is Best’. As the Westest Indian in the squad, it really strikes a chord with me. And not one of those minor key chords that you get in all those post-punk bands. A proper honest chord like G or C.”

It’s thought that the Scarlets are also learning from some key benchmarking activities with the Mumbai Indians. “Obviously the Mumbai Indians are the most Indian of all cricket sides much in the same way that the Scarlets are the most Welsh of all rugby sides.” claimed Stuart Gallagher yesterday. Gallagher, who apparently doesn’t call all the shots down at Parc Y Scarlets anymore, but no one has been brave enough to tell him, went on to state that the Scarlets will go through another name change. “Inspired by the Mumbai Indians and their stadium India Park, the Scarlets will in future be known as the Cymro Llanelli / Llanelli Welshmen. We are the Welshest of Welsh. There’s no debate. All the rest of you are practically from Surrey.” stated Gallagher in traditional dress, yesterday.