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Bread of Heaven Linked to Obesity

Welsh rugby was reeling last night from a further musically based controversy as yet another Millennium Stadium crowd favourite was attacked for inflicting socio economic hardships onto the people of Wales.

In an unsubstantiated rumour with no actual source but carried heavily by the Western Mail and South Wales Echo, “Bread of Heaven” was lambasted as a root cause of an obesity crisis sweeping the nation.

As Sports Editor Paul Abbandanato explained “Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more…well the problem is that we always want more. Bread, cake, crisps, chips and curry sauce down Caroline Street…you name it once you’ve heard that song belted out by 72,000 half cut nutters in red jerseys and pink cowgirl hats you can’t get enough”.
The crisis follows fresh on the heels of Tom Jones’ alternative Welsh national anthem “Delilah” being linked to domestic violence and knife crime across South Wales and marks a new low in ridiculous reporting and misquoting of respectable folk singers who are actually pro knife crime anyway.

When asked to comment an NHS Wales spokesman said “1 in 3 people in Wales are overweight and of those 98% have sung at least 12% of the words to Bread of Heaven in the last 2 years, generally the chorus and some of the first verse before mumbling the second verse then hitting the chorus again….only not the right chorus because the words change each time and we all just sing the first one again….anyway, these statistics stand for themselves”.

Former players have also weighed into the debate. Brothers Scott and Craig, whose surname has been withheld to protect their anonymity claim they were subjected to endless repetitions of the song throughout their careers which led them into overeating. “It started out with just the occasional white sliced but before long I was up to 3 baguettes and a harvester every day”, claimed the younger brother who has had to hang up his boots and is now housebound.

Rumours that the song carries subliminal messages planted by Warburtons’ Bakery to boost sales of their cottage white and floury baps have been strongly denied.