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Wilkinson’s Hair Explodes

A destructive hurricane swept across the continent yesterday after the whole of Wales and Ireland and a tiny minority of Scotland breathed a collective sigh of relief following the tragic deaths of most of the England squad after Johnny Wilkinson’s hair exploded on the team bus.

An investigation is underway but early reports suggest that, unable to deal with the stilted social exchanges of the England squad, Wilkinson’s hair self-combusted in an explosion of emotional intensity after catching sight of a baguette brought onto the bus by James Haskell. In a press release the RFU have blamed the emotional freedom experienced by the hair after two years living in France. ‘No.’

Commented Martin Johnson, who despite being on the bus at the time was too busy drawing smiley faces to notice the explosion. Chris Ashton, who swallow dived to safety, was too busy celebrating in front of his former team-mates to comment, whilst the only other survivor, Wilkinson’s torso and limbs, was practising its place kicking.

In Wales the news has overshadowed the fact that Warren Gatland has now metamorphosised into Graham Henry, circa 2002.